Jeremy's first post

I asked Jeremy if he wanted to write a post for our blog.  Much to my surprise he said he did. He is definitely the writer in our family so I am thankful he is willing to share.  After reading his post, I am reminded how incredibly different women and men handle a struggle, not just with infertility but any struggle for that matter.  I can speak personally that infertility can either make a marriage stronger or break a marriage.  Fortunately, Jeremy and I have agreed on EVERYTHING right from the start. We knew we wanted to be parents no matter how long it took and no matter how much it would cost. We have always had the same plan.  

However, we have gone through what every couple experiencing infertility seems to go through...the wife thinking the husband doesn't care enough because he doesn't show emotions like she does and the husband thinking the wife is focused more on having a baby than him because that is all she talks about.  We have been there done that. Not proud of it but... you know... I am proud of how strong and united we are TODAY.  Our marriage has grow tremendously!   One of the best decisions we have made in this journey was when I joined a support group full of women just like me!  Finally, women I could relate to.  Finally, an emotional outlet so I don't drive my hubby BoNkErS:)  

Truthfully, Jeremy couldn't be a better husband.  His consistent focus and faith is always reassuring.  My MOST comforting recurring thought is...there is NO WAY this man (Jeremy) is never going to have children because he will make the BEST father. And if he is destined to be a dad then that means I will be a MOM TOO!  I will never forget during one of my long heart-to-heart talks with my dad this past year, he reminded me how blessed I am to have Jeremy.  He said, 'Rachel, you did good, you chose well."  I will NEVER forget that conversation.  I think my dad is an excellent judge of character and not only did he approve of my decision to marry Jeremy but he was proud of me.  Thank you dad for reminding me I scored BIG TIME in the husband department:)  

Suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us. Jeremiah 18:1-6 

 

Here is Jeremy's post...  

 Experiencing the infertility process from that of the male and husband perspective is completely different  from the challenges this struggle presents to my wife. Her struggle is more ongoing as it is always in the back (or front) of her mind. Rachel is an emotional and feeling person, not really different from any other woman, so this is something that she thinks about a lot. On the other hand, I am a logical and thinking person who approaches something like this wanting to fix it, which I know is to my fault and probably not different from many other men who are affected by infertility. I can approach different parts of my day without even thinking about our situation, not because I don’t care about it or that it does not bother me, it’s just the way I’m wired. I can compartmentalize different parts of my life. As Rachel experiences different parts of her day infertility is woven into every minute .

Do I struggle with this? Heck yes! I want exactly what Rachel wants, and I want it to be as easy and simple for us as it appears to be for other couples. I ask God why some couples can enjoy the experience of parenthood without the pain and struggle that we’ve endured even before being pregnant. I have to be careful and intentional about focusing on our situation and not questioning God why some people become pregnant accidentally and we have to spend years and a substantial amount of money to just have a chance. I have to remember that this is our journey and that this is the way it is supposed to be played out. Perhaps the hardest part of all of this is the feeling of helplessness in this whole situation. Remember, I am a fixer, so this feeling is uncomfortable for me. Seeing Rachel cry about our issue and only being able to rub her back or offer a few words of comfort is probably the hardest part of all. I feel as the husband I am supposed to be the manager of our family, and managing feelings that come with this struggle is impossible because the emotions that come with our situation are so strong. I am better if I remind myself that I just need to be there and lend a loving ear to my wife

I do remain hopeful and positive about our chances with IVF. I am so excited and eager to get to take action. Being a fixer I would choose to do something about an issue, rather than talk or think about it. The past year and a half, aside from our couple of IUIs, have been so stagnant, which has allowed emotions to build from both of us. I hope to have provided good insight from the male perspective regarding our journey. Once again, I am pumped to get this party started. As always, Rachel and I want to thank all of our friends and family members who have supported us thus far.