Finding Joy:: 4.27.12

It won't be hard today!!!

• We were not expecting test results to be back for another two weeks.... but I got a call this morning telling us that everything came back NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Jeremy was in the middle of TCAPs so I had to tell him over text.  We are beyond grateful for good news.  I really do believe this is one BIG test of my faith.  Praise God!
• Baby is kicking up a storm. 
• Tomorrow night we will FINALLY find out the sex of Baby Lew.  My awesome friend, Jennifer, has been rubbing it in for a whole week that she already knows the sex.  Jennifer is throwing us a reveal party.  She is making the cupcakes that will tell us either boy or girl.  She pretty much rocks as a friend!   Thank you Davenports!!!
• Today, is my LAST day working.  I am taking the month of May off to get us ready for the big move.  I will get a part time job in the boro late June.   I think we need to go on a small road trip somewhere?!?
• My Mom & Dad and Jeremy's Mom are in town for the party.  I am riding back home with my parents to hangout in the boro for a whole week.  I have not been home for a whole week since I got married.  I cannot WAIT to visit with family and friends and not feel so rushed!
• I get to hold baby Isabelle in two days.
• This Monday the 30th, I'm going to see my OB doctor in Murfreesboro.  He is wonderful!  I can't say enough good things about this doctor.  Baby Lew will be in great hands.

Thank you so much for all your prayers over the last week!  We love you all!!

Finding JOY :: 4.22.12

I am going to start posting, randomly might I add, about finding joy in my pregnancy.  I don't think I am a "weekly update" kind of gal.  If you know me... you would agree that I am random 90% of the time.  I have spent some wonderful and very needed quality time with Jeremy the last couple of days.  We have had many heart-to-heart conversations about life, goals, and our growing family.  Let me just say.... it's a soul shining experience to be 100% on the same page with your husband.  My heart is full right now.  We spent so much time talking about the difference between happiness and joy.  I must admit... I am not always a happy camper about my pregnancy.  In no way am I complaining.... I would do this a MILLION times over for our precious baby.  Things just haven't gone always as planned.  For starters,  I spent from  5 1/2 weeks to 14 weeks throwing up morning, day, and night.  I am still throwing up almost on a daily basis.  I don't care about the throwing up part... but I do care about gaining weight and making sure I stay hydrated.  Some days keeping food and water down can seem like a part-time job.  Hyperemesis is no joke.  Then, we had the "big scare" at 12 weeks.  Also, at our 16 weeks ultrasound, we were left with more questions than answers.  So, back to finding JOY.  I must start finding joy in this pregnancy.  Yes,  I am OVER THE MOON about being pregnant but my worries and fears often take my joy away.   I don't always have to be happy about things but God does call us to be joyful in ALL things.
Things that bring me joy...

1) Today, kicks off National Infertility Awareness Week.   It doesn't matter how big our family gets, infertility will always be a part of my life.  We don't shy away from talking about our journey in becoming parents.  We are not ashamed to share about our struggles to conceive our baby.  In fact, we are the exact opposite!  I love sharing our story.  I hope our story encourages those struggling that nothing is impossible for God.  Infertility has brought me so much JOY in my life.  I have met some very dear friends through my support group.  I have learned so much from these women.  Also, infertility has blessed my marriage.  We have grown so much in our marriage and walk with God.  Infertility has changed my perspective on life.  I used to be concerned about how much money we would make and outward appearances...  Jeremy and I talk all the time about how none of that stuff matters.  Family matters.  God matters.  I don't want a big house, big diamond ring, and a brand new car.  I hope to have a family.  I hope to see my children fall in love with Christ.  I hope to grow old with Jeremy and have many grandbabies running around. 

A few pointers on infertility...  getting side tracked for a moment!

• This is a medical condition that affects 1 out of 8 couples.  Most treatments are not covered by insurances and sometimes couples can spend up to $30, 000 or MORE on procedures or adoption.
• Every month that you don't get pregnant is painful.  You start the beginning of your cycle in recovering mode, the middle of the month you find hope again, and then in the end when you don't get pregnant you are devastated.   EVERY month the same cycle of emotions happens.  Also, if you are doing a treatment and it doesn't work it can even be more painful.
• Part of you is excited when you hear pregnancy announcements but then you have an overwhelming sense of guilt because you always wish it was you instead.  I really struggled with this one.  I was always happy for others but wishing they understood how it felt waiting month after month for something that seemed to happen so easily for others.
• Please don't ever say, " if it's meant to be it will happen."  That is like saying if you're meant to be a momma you will be.... if you have the desire in you heart to be a mother, YOU ARE meant to be a momma so hearing this can really hurt.  I beg of you to never say this!!! Thank you:)

More than likely you know someone struggling to get pregnant.  If you are not comfortable asking how things are going... telling them you love them or and just letting them know you are there is wonderful.  More about infertility to come.

 2)  I am so excited to have family coming in town this weekend.  The gender reveal party is this Saturday and we are so thankful to be spending this special time with dear friends and family.  Yes, we look forward to hearing boy or girl but we really don't care either way.  It is nice to have our family and friends super excited about finding out the sex. :)

3) Now... I know all mommas out there are going to say there is no way you are feeling your baby kicking at 16 weeks but I promise you I am.  They are super tiny kicks but they are there:)  Friday night after eating a cupcake this kid was going to town!  Jeremy even felt a kick or two.  It helps that I have a posterior placenta... so I should be feeling kicks early.  

4)  I have a baby bump now.  It popped out in the middle of last week.   Thankful to no longer have to 6-pack beer gut look.  I MIGHT do something crazy and post a baby bump picture.  No promises though!

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Rejoice always,  pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

Real talk

This morning has turned out to be a true test of my faith.  Being left alone with Google and my inner thoughts and fears has turned out to be pretty dangerous.  Let's face the music... I cannot change what they saw.  Out of the 7 "soft markers" to look for in chromosomal abnormalities... our baby has four.

• cystic hygroma- cleared up by 13 weeks
• tiny choroid plexus cysts
• echogenic bowel
• dilated renal pelvises

 These are considered "soft markers" because they usually always go away before 28 weeks and as an isolated event (only one marker) are typically not concerning.  However, in our case the more markers you have the more your chances go up.  Thankfully, I am 28 years old and neither Jeremy nor I have any family history of chromosomal abnormalities. 

After my "moment" this morning, my mom gave me the best advice.  She told me that EVERY time I get scared to envision giving my baby to God.  To really picture me handing over our baby to the loving arms of our heavenly father.  She reminded me that God loves this baby MORE than I do.  I am SCARED... there I said it!    

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference. 

Update: 15 weeks and 6 days

Sorry for not updating lately.  Honestly, in some ways I am a little scared to get too "comfortable" in my pregnancy.  I should probably go ahead and start the weekly fun updates with baby bump pictures but I just haven't felt ready to go there yet.  I guess I am having a hard time letting go and REALLY enjoying my pregnancy.  We are having a gender reveal party next week and I would rather the cupcake tell me "you're having a healthy baby" rather than boy or girl.  We are still looking forward to the party... we are just on a slightly different path than most expecting parents.

We got REALLY good news at 13 weeks after the big scare.  The doctor told us it looked like a completely different pregnancy.  The swelling behind the baby's head was GONE.   All my doctors agreed that there was NO placenta abruption.  I have very prominent venous lakes and a tiny hematoma that I have had since the transfer.  He did not recommend an amino.  Instead, we are just going to watch the baby extra close to make sure everything else develops normally.  I am so thankful there was never an abruption... scary stuff!  Jeremy and I were BLOWN away by all the support from family and friends.  Thank you for all the food, prayers, cards, emails, and texts!!! 

Today, we had our 16 weeks scan.  While we didn't really get bad news today we didn't get 100% great news either.  Baby Lew is showing more mild markers/ indicators of possible chromosomal problems.  There are tiny cysts seen in part of the brain, the left foot was turned inward (this is probably because of the baby's position), the renal pelvises are dilated, and the baby's bowel is mildly echogenic (bright) in appearance.  All can be normal variants but just to be on the safe side we went ahead and did this new and very fancy blood work where they test the baby's DNA in my blood.  This test is brand new technology and very accurate.   We tested for cystic fibrosis, trisomy 13 & 18, and downs.   We will know in 5 days if we have enough of the baby's DNA to do the test and then 10 days later we will get the results.  My doctor is not terribly concerned but glad we decided to go ahead with the new test.  It's so new that you can't get this test at a regular ob's office.  I am not doing an amino because of the risks.  Now on to good news... the baby's heart is beautiful!!!  I was told that it doesn't get much better than how our baby's heart looks.  The spine also looks great.  We have a VERY active baby.... I mean this kid moves constantly:)   Baby is measuring a week ahead... my doctor said this means my placenta is working REALLY good.  We are VERY hopeful and EXTREMELY in love with the precious baby.   I know everything will be okay no matter what happens for two reasons:

1) I am a child of God.  He loves us and this baby more than we will ever understand.  

2) I have Jeremy.  I can't say this enough... Jeremy is wonderful!!!!!  He is the best husband and daddy.

Please pray for us while we try to patiently wait for the test results.  PLEASE pray for our baby.  Pray baby Lew is healthy!  We have a follow up scan in three weeks!