Holy moly I have follicles growing!

The last couple of days I have really started to feel the drugs working their magic.  It feels like I did a hardcore ab workout the day before and now I am paying for it. Haha

My ultrasound went well.  The size of follicle we are shooting for at the retrieval is 1.8 to 2.0 cm.  Right now I have 8 follicles measuring 1.0cm and 20 to 30 (I think the sonographer got tired and stopped counting) measuring .7cm to .8cm.  The good news is they are all growing in a pack and at the same rate... I don't have one or two dominate follicles. However, I am at a higher risk of over stimulating. The normal amount of growing follicles is 15 to 20 and I have 30 to 40!

Please pray for my body.  I am pumping so much medicine into it.  Please pray that I don't over stimulate.  I LOVE the staff at our clinic and fully trust they will be extra careful but things do happen and over stimulating is one of the major risks.  I have another ultrasound on Friday:)

Congratulations to Jeremy's mom on her new job.  She will be moving to Durham, NC in two weeks.  We will miss you dearly (you sure you have to go? hehe) but so excited about your new adventure.  I cannot wait to visit!! 

My parents will be in London during the dreaded two week wait.  I am so happy for their getaway, but I will really miss them.  Besides Jeremy, my mom is my number one supporter and to know she will be overseas during all this has been a hard pill to swallow. Better bring me back something good. Just joking, but not really.:)

I read this hymn from one of the blogs I follow.  It really touched me and I wanted to pass it on.  

Lord Jesus, You Shall Be My Song

Lord Jesus, you shall be my song as I journey. I’ll tell all my brothers about you wherever I go. For our life and our peace and our love is Yourself. Lord Jesus, you shall be my song as I Journey.

Lord Jesus, you shall be my praise, as I Journey. May all of my Joys be a faithful reflection of You. May the earth and the sea and the sky Join my song. Lord Jesus, you shall be my praise, as I Journey.

As long as I live, Jesus, Make me your servant, To carry your cross and to share all your burdens and tears. For you saved me by giving your body and blood. As long as I live, Jesus, Make me your servant.

I fear in the dark and the doubt of my Journey. But courage will come with the sound of your steps by my side, And with all of my brothers you’ve saved by your love, We’ll sing to your dawn at the end of our Journey.

Updates

The weather was AMAZING today :)

Tomorrow is my first monitoring appointment.  They will do an ultrasound and blood work and we will finally know how many follicles are growing!!  Please say a big prayer for us.

Madison has been extra cuddly lately.  Here is some of the sweetness I have come home to over the past week...



Jeremy didn't want me to post this picture but it is so sweet I had too. Sorry.



Shots are going great but ONLY if Jeremy is giving them to me.  I am having a really hard time giving myself shots.  It's really weird because I did all my shots for the IUIs so I don't really understand why I am having a hard time now.  So, we are going to be extra safe and let Jeremy give me all my shots.  I will go to Bellevue in the morning and he will come to the hospital in the evening. Hopefully soon I can give it another try when there are less shots to deal with.

Here's me at Bellevue this morning being silly.  Ice pack and with my BIG fake shot.  The real shots are very small. :)  Very dramatic but Jeremy thought it was funny!

It's go time!

I had my ultrasound this morning and everything went really well.  I have 39 resting follicles.  The nurse called me this evening and we are good to go. Yay! I start my shots this Friday.  God is good!!

I am really going to try something different... I need to slow things down and take this experience one small step at a time.  I have been really overwhelmed the past week month.  So, for the next few days I am going to only focus on getting use to my shots and resting up so my follicles can grow.

This weekend cannot come soon enough!   It has been a long week and I miss Jeremy. 

Prayer requests:  Please pray that Jeremy and I stay healthy.  I work in a hospital and he works in a school.  Germs just love to hang out at those places.  Please pray that my body responds to my medications.  Also, please pray that I can stay in the present and trust God with our future.

I just want everything to be perfect.  Rachel, God's got this.  It's okay to let go.

They're here!

My meds came today and YES it is a little overwhelming sorting through all of them.  If you have ever seen my kitchen table, they pretty much took up the whole space.  It feels so good to have them in our home, safe and sound.  We had them delivered to Jeremy's school because we needed someone to sign for the box.  I checked with the specialty pharmacy multiple times making sure "fertility drugs" wouldn't be on the outside of the box.  I can see the ladies in the school office having a hay day over Jeremy getting fertility drugs at work.  Thankfully, the only label on the box was Jeremy's name :)

***side note***

Dr. Wonderful has added another drug to the list.  Because I carry the homozygous MTHFR gene which puts me at an increased risk for blood clots, I will also start injecting heparin twice a day.  If I get pregnant, I will continue taking heparin shots the whole 10 months.  I know lots of women who had to do this and they have told me it's no big deal.  I hope they are right.  My doctor will monitor my platelets and make sure my blood never gets too thin.

I knew it was going to be a good day after reading my first card and it was my ALL TIME favorite quote:

 "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure... we are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to manifest the glory of God that is within us."

-Marianne Williamson

My trial transfer couldn't have gone better.  It did not hurt and before I knew it... it was over:)  Dr. Wonderful told me out of one through ten (one being the easiest) , my transfer is a ONE!  Yippee!!!!  He said there will be no problems getting our precious embryos in the perfect spot.  Such good news.  I am a happy girl.  Too bad I have to work a 12 hour shift tomorrow because I feel like celebrating!

randoms

***Last weekend we went home to the Boro.  It was a wonderful visit, but too quick as always.  Saturday afternoon while Jeremy was at class in Nashville, I got to hangout with some of my favorite people...    

You are the prettiest one Miss Anna Kate, I love you!

Abbi showing off her new set of wheels!  You make the proudest aunt on this earth.

Watching Will's excitement during the MTSU band's performance was the highlight of my weekend.

We went to the MTSU game.  It was fun even though they lost big time.  We had awesome seats:)

***Over a year ago my parents were in Memphis visiting. While on a walk in our neighborhood my dad found this old, beat up rocking chair left on the side of the road just waiting for a dump truck to haul it off. Poor thing:(  Most people wouldn't have given the chair a second look, but not my dad...  he loves a good challenge:)  All it needed was some lovin' and it could be good as new.  My dad thinks it is 50 to 100 years old.   I don't have a before picture but I can tell you he worked many hours sanding this chair to bring it back to life.  The end result does not disappoint.  I love my new rocking chair.

When I think of rocking chairs, I think of rocking babies to sleep:) I think most people do! With tears streaming down my face as I type this....

Dad,  words cannot express how much this chair means to me.  I look forward to spending many hours rocking babies in it.  I will tell our children over and over how their grandaddy gave this to us.  I hope and pray that it's a sign of wonderful things to come.  Thank you:)

***We have a new neighbor in our apartment building.  He has a cat that stays outside during the day.  This cat is SOOOOOOO friendly.  We nicknamed her Peabody.  Our cats, Madison and McLean are named after the cross streets of our first home. So now that we live on Peabody we will call her Peabody.  :)

Peabody loving some Jeremy! Get it girl!!

*** I only have 3 days left of the birth control pills!!  These stupid pills are so YUCKY:(  I am like a bottomless pit, what is a meal for most people is just a snack for me.  I eat all the time, no wonder women gain weight.  My face looks like a pepperoni pizza and sleeping isn't going too well.  BUT 3 more days right.... I can do it! 

*** Rachelism #768-  I was trying to explain to Jeremy about how our embryos will grow in a PETRI DISH.  During the first conversation I called it a "pastry dish" and then the second go around I called it a "peachtree dish".  Oh my, some things never change. At least we got a good laugh out of it!

*** Ashley sent me an email this weekend telling me she wanted to do something special for us and I LOVE her idea!!  We are so excited and look forward to reading all the uplifting notes from everyone.  I am a sucker for quotes and verses.  I will cherish our notes forever.  We also look forward to the funny ones too.  I am SURE we will need a good laugh here and there. Thank you :)

Ash, I love you dearly.  Thank you for being part of my "net".  I promise to "catch" you whenever you need me.  This is one of my favorite pictures of us.  Mainly because we both look HOT!

*** Yesterday, we had our shots class. Basically, I will be giving myself all the belly shots and Jeremy will give me my HCG trigger shot and all my progesterone shots.  If this works and I am pregnant, Jeremy will continue to give me progesterone injections for 10 to 12 weeks.  OUCH,  my hiney is going to be sooooo sore!  We both had to practice drawing up the medicines and then injecting them.  Jeremy was instructed to pretend like he was throwing a dart.  I was seriously freaking at this point, I have played darts with Jeremy and trust me HE IS NOT THAT GOOD!  However, he did so good and I didn't feel a thing! This was our conversation minutes later after leaving the clinic...

Jeremy:  It was easier than I had expected.

Me: You did so good, I am so proud of you.

Jeremy:  Yea, it felt like I was shooting into jello.

Me: JEREMY!!!! You're saying my butt feels like jello!!!!

Jeremy:  Sorry, but that is exactly what it felt like... you know jello, it went in so smooth.

Me: Well at least my big butt is good for something:)

*** Our schedule is picking up.  Yikes.  Friday is my trial transfer/ mock transfer.  The doctor will practice the transfer without embryos and basically map out my insides.  I have read many articles that support that one of the most common reasons IVF cycles fail is because something goes wrong during the transfer and the doctor has a hard time getting those precious babies right where he/she wants them.  The purpose of a trial transfer is to prevent any surprises during the real deal and make sure we find the perfect spot.  Please, please pray my mock transfer goes smoothly and my doctor thinks it will be an easy transfer the next time... when it REALLY MATTERS!

Next Tuesday is my baseline ultrasound and blood work.  I will post more about this closer to time.  If my ultrasound and blood work look good I will start my shots:)

This is really happening.... God you amaze me.

 

Thanks Beth!

"God knows when something glorious in the future necessitates something difficult in the present. Because He knows the glory will be worth it, God will risk being misunderstood."

-Beth Moore

Jeremy's first post

I asked Jeremy if he wanted to write a post for our blog.  Much to my surprise he said he did. He is definitely the writer in our family so I am thankful he is willing to share.  After reading his post, I am reminded how incredibly different women and men handle a struggle, not just with infertility but any struggle for that matter.  I can speak personally that infertility can either make a marriage stronger or break a marriage.  Fortunately, Jeremy and I have agreed on EVERYTHING right from the start. We knew we wanted to be parents no matter how long it took and no matter how much it would cost. We have always had the same plan.  

However, we have gone through what every couple experiencing infertility seems to go through...the wife thinking the husband doesn't care enough because he doesn't show emotions like she does and the husband thinking the wife is focused more on having a baby than him because that is all she talks about.  We have been there done that. Not proud of it but... you know... I am proud of how strong and united we are TODAY.  Our marriage has grow tremendously!   One of the best decisions we have made in this journey was when I joined a support group full of women just like me!  Finally, women I could relate to.  Finally, an emotional outlet so I don't drive my hubby BoNkErS:)  

Truthfully, Jeremy couldn't be a better husband.  His consistent focus and faith is always reassuring.  My MOST comforting recurring thought is...there is NO WAY this man (Jeremy) is never going to have children because he will make the BEST father. And if he is destined to be a dad then that means I will be a MOM TOO!  I will never forget during one of my long heart-to-heart talks with my dad this past year, he reminded me how blessed I am to have Jeremy.  He said, 'Rachel, you did good, you chose well."  I will NEVER forget that conversation.  I think my dad is an excellent judge of character and not only did he approve of my decision to marry Jeremy but he was proud of me.  Thank you dad for reminding me I scored BIG TIME in the husband department:)  

Suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us. Jeremiah 18:1-6 

 

Here is Jeremy's post...  

 Experiencing the infertility process from that of the male and husband perspective is completely different  from the challenges this struggle presents to my wife. Her struggle is more ongoing as it is always in the back (or front) of her mind. Rachel is an emotional and feeling person, not really different from any other woman, so this is something that she thinks about a lot. On the other hand, I am a logical and thinking person who approaches something like this wanting to fix it, which I know is to my fault and probably not different from many other men who are affected by infertility. I can approach different parts of my day without even thinking about our situation, not because I don’t care about it or that it does not bother me, it’s just the way I’m wired. I can compartmentalize different parts of my life. As Rachel experiences different parts of her day infertility is woven into every minute .

Do I struggle with this? Heck yes! I want exactly what Rachel wants, and I want it to be as easy and simple for us as it appears to be for other couples. I ask God why some couples can enjoy the experience of parenthood without the pain and struggle that we’ve endured even before being pregnant. I have to be careful and intentional about focusing on our situation and not questioning God why some people become pregnant accidentally and we have to spend years and a substantial amount of money to just have a chance. I have to remember that this is our journey and that this is the way it is supposed to be played out. Perhaps the hardest part of all of this is the feeling of helplessness in this whole situation. Remember, I am a fixer, so this feeling is uncomfortable for me. Seeing Rachel cry about our issue and only being able to rub her back or offer a few words of comfort is probably the hardest part of all. I feel as the husband I am supposed to be the manager of our family, and managing feelings that come with this struggle is impossible because the emotions that come with our situation are so strong. I am better if I remind myself that I just need to be there and lend a loving ear to my wife

I do remain hopeful and positive about our chances with IVF. I am so excited and eager to get to take action. Being a fixer I would choose to do something about an issue, rather than talk or think about it. The past year and a half, aside from our couple of IUIs, have been so stagnant, which has allowed emotions to build from both of us. I hope to have provided good insight from the male perspective regarding our journey. Once again, I am pumped to get this party started. As always, Rachel and I want to thank all of our friends and family members who have supported us thus far.