I am going to start posting, randomly might I add, about finding joy in my pregnancy. I don't think I am a "weekly update" kind of gal. If you know me... you would agree that I am random 90% of the time. I have spent some wonderful and very needed quality time with Jeremy the last couple of days. We have had many heart-to-heart conversations about life, goals, and our growing family. Let me just say.... it's a soul shining experience to be 100% on the same page with your husband. My heart is full right now. We spent so much time talking about the difference between happiness and joy. I must admit... I am not always a happy camper about my pregnancy. In no way am I complaining.... I would do this a MILLION times over for our precious baby. Things just haven't gone always as planned. For starters, I spent from 5 1/2 weeks to 14 weeks throwing up morning, day, and night. I am still throwing up almost on a daily basis. I don't care about the throwing up part... but I do care about gaining weight and making sure I stay hydrated. Some days keeping food and water down can seem like a part-time job. Hyperemesis is no joke. Then, we had the "big scare" at 12 weeks. Also, at our 16 weeks ultrasound, we were left with more questions than answers. So, back to finding JOY. I must start finding joy in this pregnancy. Yes, I am OVER THE MOON about being pregnant but my worries and fears often take my joy away. I don't always have to be happy about things but God does call us to be joyful in ALL things.
Things that bring me joy...
1) Today, kicks off National Infertility Awareness Week. It doesn't matter how big our family gets, infertility will always be a part of my life. We don't shy away from talking about our journey in becoming parents. We are not ashamed to share about our struggles to conceive our baby. In fact, we are the exact opposite! I love sharing our story. I hope our story encourages those struggling that nothing is impossible for God. Infertility has brought me so much JOY in my life. I have met some very dear friends through my support group. I have learned so much from these women. Also, infertility has blessed my marriage. We have grown so much in our marriage and walk with God. Infertility has changed my perspective on life. I used to be concerned about how much money we would make and outward appearances... Jeremy and I talk all the time about how none of that stuff matters. Family matters. God matters. I don't want a big house, big diamond ring, and a brand new car. I hope to have a family. I hope to see my children fall in love with Christ. I hope to grow old with Jeremy and have many grandbabies running around.
A few pointers on infertility... getting side tracked for a moment!
- This is a medical condition that affects 1 out of 8 couples. Most treatments are not covered by insurances and sometimes couples can spend up to $30, 000 or MORE on procedures or adoption.
- Every month that you don't get pregnant is painful. You start the beginning of your cycle in recovering mode, the middle of the month you find hope again, and then in the end when you don't get pregnant you are devastated. EVERY month the same cycle of emotions happens. Also, if you are doing a treatment and it doesn't work it can even be more painful.
- Part of you is excited when you hear pregnancy announcements but then you have an overwhelming sense of guilt because you always wish it was you instead. I really struggled with this one. I was always happy for others but wishing they understood how it felt waiting month after month for something that seemed to happen so easily for others.
- Please don't ever say, " if it's meant to be it will happen." That is like saying if you're meant to be a momma you will be.... if you have the desire in you heart to be a mother, YOU ARE meant to be a momma so hearing this can really hurt. I beg of you to never say this!!! Thank you:)
More than likely you know someone struggling to get pregnant. If you are not comfortable asking how things are going... telling them you love them or and just letting them know you are there is wonderful. More about infertility to come.
2) I am so excited to have family coming in town this weekend. The gender reveal party is this Saturday and we are so thankful to be spending this special time with dear friends and family. Yes, we look forward to hearing boy or girl but we really don't care either way. It is nice to have our family and friends super excited about finding out the sex. :)
3) Now... I know all mommas out there are going to say there is no way you are feeling your baby kicking at 16 weeks but I promise you I am. They are super tiny kicks but they are there:) Friday night after eating a cupcake this kid was going to town! Jeremy even felt a kick or two. It helps that I have a posterior placenta... so I should be feeling kicks early.
4) I have a baby bump now. It popped out in the middle of last week. Thankful to no longer have to 6-pack beer gut look. I MIGHT do something crazy and post a baby bump picture. No promises though!
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
